Now THAT'S A Long Way To Go For A Half-Assed Joke...

So, they've consolidated a bunch o' dead Presidents' birthdays into a single "Presidents Day" and have moved other holidays around from their traditional location in order to make three and four day holiday weekends. There has even been a move to cluster up a variety of religious holidays, never mind the fact they've been celebrated the same date for hundreds of years.

Most holidays, in fact, don't celebrate anything any more, they're just an excuse to get drunk and/or nekkid and/or stupid and/or hang out with annoying relatives you wouldn't otherwise be caught dead around.

Eh, OK, I can deal with that.

In point of fact, one reason that I've ALWAYS been a big supporter of MLK day is because, even though he was a womanizing Commie with the morals of an alley cat and the cultural vision of a Peepuls Demokratik Republik Central Committee apparatchik, getting time off from work to celebrate his High Holy Days works into my BBQ schedule very nicely, thank you very much.

I'm pretty easy here. If they're gonna give me a paid holiday in order to appease culturally disadvantaged citizens who've been OH-pressed for 200/300/700/1000 years (depending on who's pontificating), they could make a federal holiday out of Stalin's birthday for all I give a crap.

With that in mind, and in need of another day off from work that I can use to suck down prodigious quantities of beer and blow crap up with exploding objects, I propose that we consolidate Kwanzaa and Gay Pride Day into an official, single wad o' weekend extender. They are practically the same holiday anyhow -- a celebration by a bunch o' whiny folk incapable of just getting on with their lives without dressing up in goofy outfits and making asses out of themselves while expressing their "pride".

[You think not? Compare the two-tonner who's never been closer to Africa than taking the "E" train to the east side, dressed up in traditional African regalia and flip-flops, and the San Francisco Transexual Nun Brigade. I'd call THAT matchup a draw.]

Also note that "Kwanzaa" is Swahili for "First Fruits". Destiny or Coincidence? I think we all know the answer to that.

Yeah, buddy, I'm in. Happy Fruit Day! Pass the beer.



In Our Next Episode: I sober up and write a real post.