Now, I've never been nominated for shit, probably because my three readers have very little stroke in those circles and/or hadn't gotten around to it. I presume these awards are accompanied by a large cash stipend for which I can think of numerous applications, so to increase my exposure to the awards people by jumping the gun a bit, here are my answers to the nomination questions:
1. Do you judge the people before meeting?
Fire your editor. To answer the question I think you're trying to ask: Not usually. There are exceptions. Lefties, Democrats, dumbasses, whackadoos, and in particular anyone who thinks Astrology is a real thing — you know, people who deserve to be judged. But mostly not.
2. What do you think when you see the beautiful sunset?
Well, THERE'S another day blown out without accomplishing shit.
3. If your friend is crying, what would you do?
Pat him gently on the head.
"There, there," I'd say, "there, there."
This would cause him to put me in an incredibly painful wristlock as he drove me into the pavement and asked just what the fuck I thought I was doing. Voila! He's over it.
4. Is there any relationship between love and friendship?
Superficially, sure. But as anyone who's been there knows, the difference is that the real stuff (love) involves an all-consuming passion that is sometimes about the least friendly thing you can imagine. Even banked, starved, and ignored, when apparently nothing remains but a skeletal pile of ruined black and gray ash, down in its core it still retains a rippling, red-hot, sullenly glowing core, which sometimes spits dangerous sparks. Forever.
Also, among friends everyone usually pays for their own beer. On average, of course.
5. Let us assume one tall banana tree. There are four animals. They are- lion, squirrel, Giraffe, chimpanzee… According to you, which will get the banana first?
Back in 1981, when is doubtless much before your time, Barbara Walters was interviewing Katherine Hepburn. Kate said she felt strong and tall in her old age, like a tree. Barbara Walters said "What kind of tree are you?"
This was roundly jeered, and has to this day remained the stupidest question in the history of interviews that was ever actually asked an interview subject.
This question gives Barbara's dumbassery a strong run for the money.
NOW I'm judging you (see #1 above).
6. You do not usually initiate conversation.
This is not a question. Perhaps you know me better than you thought.
7. What is the most difficult thing you’ve done for your love?
Left them.
Let them go.
Yes, that's two separate answers. Or have you only had the one love in your life? That's terribly sad, although probably less dangerous, not to mention scarring and/or blistering (see #4 above).
8. Which is your biggest regret?
Not finishing clown school. I'll admit it — walking out with only a week left because of an argument with an adjunct professor over an obscure point about the philosophy of fright wigs was just stupid, even though stomping off while still wearing the giant shoes doubtless left a large impression.
9. Who’s is your most favorite person in the world?
Not even a sorta close contest: The Beneficiary.
10. What do you think about me?
That you're exactly the sort of person who would wrap up this kind of interview with this question.
Tag Five Others With This List:
Fox News
Chrysler Corporation
Glacier Park Red Bus Tours
Georgia (either the State or the Country, whichever wants to pick up the slack)
Kim Jong-un, c/o Dennis Rodman
And there you have it. Bring on the awards! (Email me for cash drop-off locations.)
In Our Next Episode: We cut up the cash we're gonna get.
Not only did I not know about this dumbassery of an interview apparently making the rounds, I’ve also been too lazy to participate in the blargh prompts I said I would, which can be kinda fun when I manage to smoosh them all in a pome or wev. I figured I would at least have the will to plop a song up every Sunday ~ how hard could that be? ~ but I already forgot last night. It was too hot. Whine whine whine.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff there. 😂