Scriptwriter Needed -- Only Hard-Edged Journalistic Bullshitters Need Apply

Reading the newspaper this morning — this guy goes to a lot of trouble to disguise himself to throw the authorities off the trail when he killed his baby-mama, which is evidentially a relationship category, as opposed to -- I dunno, "ex-girlfriend"? (shrug) Whatever.

Seems she had won the custody battle for the 1-year-old, which annoyed him so he met her at work the other morning disguised as a black guy and stabbed her a lot. The meticulous planning that went into this violation of human dignity (dressing up in blackface, which, as any SJW will tell you is the real crime — and oh yeah, there's that pesky killing of course) is gonna make this an episode of "48 Hours" or "Whodunnit Of The Week" before long. They may have to stuff a bit of filler around the corners of the story to get an hour of TV out of it, though.

Turns out that in real life, things are usually about as mysterious as whether Paula's going to vote a straight Republican ticket this year.

(Spoiler alert: No.)

So far as I can tell, it took the cops about 38 seconds to interview baby-mama's friends and family, all of whom said "Yeah, she was really afraid of Bob and told everyone he'd kill her if he got the chance," and then do a search warrant on his truck where they found a bag containing Al Jolson face paint, makeup wipes, boots that had been cut to pieces and bleached, and a big fucking knife covered in baby-mama remains. 

Evidently, he thought his truck would be a good place to hide all this junk as opposed to, oh I dunno, ABOUT ANYWHERE ELSE, PREFERABLY ON FIRE. Dumbass. It's a wonder he didn't take it down to the cops to rent a space to store it in their evidence locker.

Anyhow, great story, complex evil bad-guy planning, a ton-o' totally made-up and off-topic broader social implications for fame-whore activists to comment on, lots of detectives, family, and co-workers to interview about the wonderfulness of dead baby-mama and her pure-as-the-driven-snow life and the evil scumbaggery of the Satan she tied in with, whom everyone who has known him since childhood agrees should have been strangled in his crib — it practically writes itself. But the TV people are gonna have to warp the timeline of the actual investigation a LOT to make this one work.

Which is true for practically all crime, really. No matter how heinous or bloody the crime, the actual solving it part is almost always banal to the point of caricature. 

Turning one of these "Jesus, boy, you're WAY too dumb NOT to go to prison" stories into an Agatha Christie narrative is an art of its own.

ORIGINAL STORY AS PLAYED OUT IN REAL LIFE

DETECTIVE (Addressing a room-full of witnesses): Any ideas on who might have whacked baby-mama?

PEOPLE (In unison): Bob did it.

DETECTIVE: Bob?

PEOPLE (all pointing at a guy with a strip of mahogany-colored makeup outlining his face): Bob. That Bob right there.

DETECTIVE (To Bob): Did you whack your baby-mama?

BOB: Don't search my truck.

THE END.

OK, good. Plug in about 15 minutes of commercials. Now what do we do with the other 43 minutes?