Spotted Out In The Boondocks Of Texas

 

"Hello?"

"Hi, is the number for that honeybee removal service?"

"Yes, thanks for calling. What can we do for you?"

"Can you send some of your guys down to 10250 Shady Trail?"

"Uh, yeah -- that's in Dallas, isn't it? Pretty far, but we can probably get there some time tomorrow. Is this a home or a business?"

"Right, it's a business. It's Babydolls."

"Babydolls?"

"Yeah, Babydolls Gentleman's Club."

"You have a honeybee problem in your strip club? Is that's what you just said?"

"Correct, but we prefer if you call it a 'Gentlemen's Club'. But tomorrow won't do. We need you down here right away. Kind of an emergency."

"Uhmmm, look, it's the middle of the night and....."

"Yeah, well, we called the cops, but they said with all this defunding bullshit they don't do that anymore, and we needed a non-law-enforcement civilian expert to handle it. I spent about a half-hour on hold waiting for their 'Crisis Intervention Team' to pick up before I finally hung up and just looked you up."

"You called the police? What..."

"Fuckin' honeybees come in here and get all nectared up and start trying to pollinate and stick their faces in the petals of the dancers. We've told 'em a thousand times 'Don't touch the girls!' but, NOOOO, once they're buzzed there's no controlling the little assholes. So now we got one cornered in the VIP lounge where we caught him trying to get his stinger wet, but he won't leave peaceable, and the cops say they ain't coming, and they usually just wind up shooting the little prick out in the parking lot anyhow and you KNOW that's always a mess. That's all we need is another 'Save The Honeybees' protest out here, and don't even get me started on that 'Y&BLM' crap. Freakin' cops make more problems than they fix."

"ONE honeybee?"

"Damn boy, ain't you been listening? Yes, I need a honeybee removed. Are you a honeybee removal service or not?"

"......"

"Hello?"

(sigh) "Fine. Keep him cornered. I'll be there in about an hour. This is gonna cost you, though."

"What the hell? What am I paying taxes for?"

"You ain't paying them to me. Break out the cash or do without."

"Shit. I'm tempted to just mash the little putz myself and bury him out back."

"I didn't hear that. And you can expect the Save The Honeybee people to have some fame-whore lawyer and his crusading investigator crawling up your ass as soon as they figure out the club was the last place he was seen. By the time your lawyer gets it cleaned up, I'm gonna look pretty damned cheap."

"Well, motherf..... Fine. But get down here. I gotta get this wrapped up before the rest of the swarm notices he's missing and starts busting up the damned place again."