Biker Crap

If you're not a bike dude or dudette, fuck off, there's a good lad. Go see the redheads on my last posting, or while away your time doing something else till I get back to a subject you give a shit about.

Thanks awfully.

Now, what was I gonna talk about...oh, yeah, I remember....

Y'know, I'm generally pretty much a "rat bike" kinda guy. A bike like this:
ain't never gonna win the trophy at the bike show, but is absolutely my style.

Turns out I'm not the only one who feels that way. This bike is the "Die Yuppie Scum" (which is what is hand-painted on the tank, BTW):
It was built by and belongs to a Hells Angels associate with the road name of "Cruel Girl" who describes it as "98 INCHES OF YUPPIE SCUM SUCKING PANHEAD POWER". She absolutely despises yuppies in general, and yuppies on bikes in particular, in case it ain't clear.

UNRELATED SIDENOTE: Cruel Girl is the founder and President of the HellKats MC, one of the VERY few female three-patch (outlaw) motorcycle clubs in the country, based out of Missouri. She's an expert bike mechanic, has been building her own choppers since the 70's and rides them tens of thousands of miles every year, runs a full working farm, rides rodeo all over the country, is a black belt in competition karate, has raised kids to adulthood, will ride hundreds of miles in every kind of weather you can imagine just to party, and is hard as a coffin nail.

Cruel Girl has a number of bikes on her website she's modified or built which are of various degrees of prettiness, but they all have one thing in common -- if it ain't gonna be ridden like it was stolen, it's not gonna make it. Her favorite is her kickstart panhead rigid, which she's named "Cruella".

I met her briefly a couple of years ago, and she's hot, she's taut, and she's fine. I'd lust after her but, frankly, she scares the shit out of me.

I guess the theme here is that fancy garbage wagons buried in chrome, OC Chopper type custom specialty "choppers", and polished pimp bikes are just worthless for that 300 miles in the rain kinda riding that real bikes have to put up with. That's not to say I don't like looking at them -- engineering marvels, the lot of them, and prettier than a $1500.00 hooker, but if I owned one (garbage wagon OR hooker), I'd sell it for a real bike.

Now, having said that, I saw a bike some time back that is the antithesis of a rat bike. I periodically run across it at shows and on the Internet, and (in case anyone's looking for that post-Christmas gift that will make my year,) I crave this bike. I'd give up redheads for this bike. Well, I'd give up a LOT of redheads for this bike. (Click on the pix for full-sized photos, the better to see detail.)


Feature your average citizen when this shows up in the rearview, blasting past at about warp three.



Is that fucking thing too cool, or what? For a full pix spread, click HERE.

In Our Next Episode: OK, I got it out of my system. Back to more citizen oriented material.