The Questions From UV

I can't imagine what I was thinking, but I asked for it over at UV's place. I must be getting softheaded in my old age...

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1. What's the most romantic thing you've ever done?

Brought her a rose on her birthday. She was in class in Quantico. I was working and could take no time off to speak of. Flew 1400 miles, rented a car brought her the rose, bought dinner, and back at work before lunch the next day.

2. When did you last commit a random act of kindness?

If I tell ya', it ain't kindness anymore, it's bragging. It involves kids, though. I don't like little kids in trouble and I fix it where I can.

3. Would you rather spend a day volunteering at an animal shelter with Diane Lane or a night watching An Inconvenient Truth with Julianne Moore?

Not even close -- Julianne Moore. Not just because she's the hottest female on earth, either. Diane Lane always rather reminded me of The Beneficiary and is plenty tasty, make no mistake, but it's tough to convert hosing out animal cages into an Experience.

On the other hand, I figure after dissecting "An Inconvenient Truth" and breaking Julianne free of her propagandized Hollywood leftist thought shackles, her gratitude would cause wild, abandoned, animal sex, which would be well worth the sacrifice of putting up with four hours of AlGore's panicky yammering. (Yeah, I know it's only about 1 1/2 hours. Seems a lot longer.)

4. Who's your favorite poet?

You asked because you know that poetry gives me hives, didn't you? OK, fine, Dorothy Parker:

Ballade Of A Talked-Off Ear

Daily I listen to wonder and woe,
Nightly I hearken to knave or to ace,
Telling me stories of lava and snow,
Delicate fables of ribbon and lace,
Tales of the quarry, the kill, the chase,
Longer than heaven and duller than hell-
Never you blame me, who cry my case:
"Poets alone should kiss and tell!"

Dumbly I hear what I never should know,
Gently I counsel of pride and of grace;
Into minutiae gayly they go,
Telling the name and the time and the place.
Cede them your silence and grant them space-
Who tenders an inch shall be raped of an ell!
Sympathy's ever the boaster's brace;
Poets alone should kiss and tell.

Why am I tithed what I never did owe?
Choked with vicarious saffron and mace?
Weary my lids, and my fingers are slow-
Gentlemen, damn you, you've halted my pace.
Only the lads of the cursed race,
Only the knights of the desolate spell,
May point me the lines the blood-drops trace-
Poets alone should kiss and tell.

L'ENVOI

Prince or commoner, tenor or bass,
Painter or plumber or never-do-well,
Do me a favor and shut your face
Poets alone should kiss and tell.

5. If a family of cute bunnies began eating up your marijuana crop, what would you do?

Don't smoke, so don't care about the weed. But the bunnies? Another story. Mmmmm, BBQ'd bunny bits....

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In Our Next Episode: Don't even bother to tag me with the meme -- I don't do these things....