Terminus

A brother of mine is dropping out of The Life and going home. He's been broken, physically and mentally, and has slowly rebuilt himself from the ground up over the last couple of years. He has only recently begun to come to terms with the life he has lived. He's paid his dues, and he's going home back to Maine. He and his wife have decided to drop completely off the grid, disappear into the background, and spend his days working at simple things, surrounding himself with family, and living out whatever is left of his life as a good and simple man. He is — was, rather — one of the most dangerous men I know. But as he told me, he's walked away, and the only thing he's a danger to these days is a piece of chocolate cake. He says it sounds stupid, but he just wants to give something back to the Earth he's taken from his whole life. It's a measure of our friendship that I knew exactly what he was talking about.

Here's what he left:

Man I'll be so glad to get out of here and go home. For too many years mine has been the empty seat at the family table. My life of unending adventures is over. I've experienced many things and traveled the world. Often friends have advised me to write a book but the statute of limitations hasn't run out in a few places so that might come later. Plus I gave my oath to a group of men that I'll never break so probably no book. I will no longer be the empty seat at the family table. Now I just want to see my son and be there for him, see my daughter and bounce my grandson on my knee and spoil him rotten. I want to say grace at Thanksgiving because I have so much to be thankful for. I want to sit on Christmas morning and watch everyone open presents. All those things that families take for granted that I was always either on the other side of the globe for or running down an interstate at 90 at the head of a pack of sleds. I have survived when many of my brothers did not so I lived life at 90mph and experienced things that they could not. How I've lived this long I'll never know, you can only put your ass on the line so many times before your luck runs out. I've fulfilled my promise and never left a man behind. Now I'm going home for the last time and forever.

Says it all. When I read it, I could feel the ice crystallizing in the middle of me, jumbled shards shredding cell walls — and I wonder how much longer I have to go before I get there. He says he'll contact me through an old encrypted proxy account in a year. Maybe two. Maybe he actually will. Who knows. Maybe he'll let me know exactly where he is, and I can go visit and see if it's really possible to walk away. I hope it is. I hope it's all he wants it to be.

'Cause that means so can I.

In Our Next Episode:  Back on the road alone again. A familiar place.