FBI Does Their Job, Muslims, Japs, and Chins Pissed!

Sorry -- was gonna do a Christmas (insert minority holiday of choice here*) piece here, but I've been enjoined by the ACLU to prevent me using the word "Christmas (insert minority holiday of choice here*)" on the internet, which was invented by the US Military and/or Al Gore, and gets money from the Feds. However, the following was vetted and approved by the ACLU Thought Police prior to publication. *Footnote: ("Kwanzaa," for example. There's a good one. Or "Dead Palestinian Rememberance Day". Yeah, that's the ticket. We're gonna fucking well start getting politically correct around here, or I'll know the reason why.)

So the Feds have been monitoring a bunch of places looking for nuclear material. And high on the list of places to monitor are Muslim Holy Places, Muslim Businesses, Muslims Howling At The Moon Gathering Spots, Muslims in general, and the New York Times.

Boy, has THAT got their prayer rugs in a knot. CNN appearances, letters to the editor, unintelligible "culture" pieces on PBS, sackcloth-dressed Democrats... Hang on here a minute, I gotta go dust off my "Tough Shit" button....

Here's an idea. You want to not be treated like suspects or potential terrorists, how about not acting like suspects or potential terrorists? How about getting off your dead asses and doing something useful that has some remote relationship to supporting an actual civilization instead of basing your life on the psychotic ramblings of some centuries-dead rapist, pedophile, and war-monger? How about condemning the Wasibi philosophy of your radical bretheren instead of making excuses for it? How about ACTING LIKE FUCKING AMERICANS instead of the cancerous remnants of some poorly executed, futile exercise in grafting totally incompatible cultures you're now inexplicably proud to be?

'Cause you CAN'T, that's why. Your religion, your background, your culture, and your history all mitigate against you ever being anything other than what you are. Which means that the FBI, CIA, NSA, SAS, DIS, Brits, Germans, Italians and everyone else in the Western world who's got a grain of sense will be watching you every single day, waiting for you to strap on that bomb belt and fulfill your destiny.

Fuck ya' if you don't like it.

Fortunately for you, you have your legal partners in treason to fall back on -- and they're already slinging snot even though no one has done anything except stand on public property and monitor radiation emissions, so I expect this will be a Big Deal -- we ain't even heard that useless twat Pelosi's two cents worth, nor has that supercilious fat fuck Teddy Kennedy sobered up enough to make some vaguely rational-sounding response. Should be fun.

In other news, the Chins and Japs are also pissed. Seems to be going around. However, for a change, they're mostly hacked at each other rather than US, even though it could be argued that, once again, we're the proximate cause of the problem. Why? Is there some major new development in the Asian balance of power? Have the Japs finally decided to arm up and start raping, butchering, and kicking in the slats of a few neighbors again? Have the Chins zipped a couple of missles through Jap airspace, or accidentally drifted a nuke cloud over Yokohama? Nope, none o' that...they're about to have a major diplomatic breach over....are you ready?.....over HOLLYWOOD.

Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh...jezus, maybe we DO run the world. Anyhow, it seems that the two countries got together, rented out a really big theater, bought a bunch o' popocorn and a couple of large Diet Cokes and settled in to watch "Memoirs of a Geisha". The story is set in Japan -- but as it shortly became clear to the murmuring and increasingly pissed off 1.7 billion member audience, is entirely in ENGLISH, rather than Japanese with subtitles. Assholes! To make things worse, it shortly became clear that the reason for this linguistic fuckup was that NO ONE IN THE CAST COULD SPEAK JAPANESE(!?!?!) Why? Because the entire cast is.... (drumroll -- nothing up my sleeves! voila!) .....CHINESE!

The Japs, needless to say, have gone fucking ballistic. The Chins, on the other hand, have blown an o-ring over the fact that the Japs are treated as sympathetic characters rather than the most brutal occupation force in history. One Chin blogger has and has gone so far as to inform the lead actress that she's "...sold her soul and betrayed her country. Hacking her to death would not be good enough...." [This struck me as a curious slap from a theoretically athiest bunch of Commies. I would have figgered that the concept of "selling" and "souls" would be total mysteries to them, nevermind both being used in the same sentence.] Anyhow, both sets of orientals have literally been marching in the streets over the cross-cultural insults.

Meanwhile, one of the foci of the dispute, American director Rob Marshall, has generally tried to stay out of the fray apparently realizing that, worldwide, the people who have enough money for him to make a profit don't live in the East -- the disposible income belongs to Euros, 'Mercans, and other folk who COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE between Chinks and Japs if they were born labeled with signboards, never mind differences in their bizarro languages and music, which to the Western ear are utterly indistinguishable clots of noise evidentally produced by beating a cat to death with a burlap sack full of tin pans and rocks.

In short, it seems to be working out for him either way.

In Our Next Episode:Current events rescue me from being assaulted by yet another flowery, weepy Chick Flick when I explain to the beneficiary the cultural ignorance it represents, and detail my sensitivity to the concerns of two ancient peoples.

Also, it turns out that the bunch of Jap Trash (Eurotrash is SO yesterday) I was gonna blog about are actually Korean. Ah, fuck it. To-may-to, To-mah-to...