What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas

...unless what's happening is that you're a batshit crazy who has told everyone that you've been kidnapped, like ol' Matthew Anderson here. Then what happens in Vegas will get you on the front page.

And how did the Vegas cops know to pick up the latest runaway? Because they've been TRAINED, that's how. They spend much of their day looking for people who look like this:

You remember HER, right?  Jennifer Wilbanks, the runaway bride from Georgia who also turned up in Vegas?  OK, so here's a clue, direct from Las Vegas PD Citizen Training Bureau:  When your Next Of Kin develops eyes that look like that, cancel your credit cards and staple a GPS unit to their ass, 'cause they're headed for The Strip.

In Our Next Episode: Did anyone else know that that goofy twat has sold her story for $500,000? That skank. I'm gonna bill her for the time I spent being concerned for her welfare when she disappeared. Lessee, at $200.00 per hour - yeah, she owes me $1.97.