And In Other News, Hollywood Gets Weirder...

Is there any slightest possibility that the shitbirds populating Hollywood can actually get weirder than they already have to this point? Apparently so.

Brad And Jennifer And Angelina
Now, look. Brad, buddy, I can see where you might wander off for a bit. After all, Angelina is an astounding representative of the Dark Side. She is, hands down, the hottest creepy girl EVER. If you're looking for a candidate to temporarily run you off the rails, this is a good 'un.

But, still, you didn't just rip off a piece, then come dragging your scarred, wirewhipped ass and swollen, bruised gonads back home and apologize and beg forgiveness for getting your pipes cleaned -- you LEFT Jennifer Anniston, who is not only heartbreakingly gorgeous, but absolutely has the best tits in Hollywood.

I'm sorry, but there's just no competition.

Now look, you goofy fuck, everyone takes a walk on the wild side once in awhile, but you left JENNIFER ANNISTON for a tattooed freakshow who wears a shot of her current lover's blood in a vial (or is it a flask?) around her neck. Now, I know as a leading representative of the Hollywood elite, you're SUPPOSED to be dumber than a sack of rocks, but, c'mon. Get a grip.

Tom and Scientology and Katie
Then, we have the truly bizarre Tom Cruise and his lust object. Holy crap, we just came out of the Jacko trial, and I'm calling Tom "bizarre"? Fuckin' right. Mikey just likes banging little boys, which out in California is in pretty much the same category as a traffic violation. Tom's got religion, which NO ONE can understand.

Yes, I'm talking about the Church of Scientology, the current Thing in Hollywood. This collection of loose nuts zooming their way to Theta Clear under the direction of a dead and increasingly erratic science fiction writer make the red-string Kabbalah faction (mega-slut Madonna, walking-stick team Mary-Kate/Ashley, knocked up 'tard Britanny, and a variety of other brain-damaged dipwads) look like a PhD Think Tank.

Now, the freaky part of this one is that RIGHT OUT IN PUBLIC, this brainwashed putz is SUCKING THE BRAINS OUT of a babe half his age. Anywhere else but Hollywood, he'd be in jail for spot-welding this bint's neurons into a lump. The evidence? At each public appearance, she is less and less a person, and more and more a Stepford doll.

As an example, The Tom had a recent public meltdown on the Matt Laurer show which made his psychotic appearance on Oprah look like the very definition of decorum. As he expressed more and more virulently snotty opinions and diagnoses on an enormous range of subjects about which he is roughly as well informed as an educated doorknob, the camera kept switching back to this brain-fried child, offstage but almost within reaching distance, listening to Tom make a complete shitheel out of himself while she sat there gazing at him with a frozen grin like a tranquilized monkey. SOMEONE RESCUE THIS POOR LITTLE BIMBO!

People magazine says that these two morons are not only going to have children (talk about a screaming advertisement in favor of Government enforced sterilization,) but are going to Home School them, with emphasis on Scientologist principles. Where's the outrage? If this were a Christian couple threatening to home-school their kids, these scumbags would lead the charge to impound the sprogs to be raised by the State.

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Me And All The Above
Now, the part that actually concerns me about all this is that I CANNOT seem to escape it.

Y'know, I'd be hard pressed to think of a subject that is less important to me. Do I actually CARE who Brad is banging? No. Is there any slightest chance that I'll wind up with either AJ or JA for even a quickie? No. Does watching Tom Cruise power-dive his career into "where are they now" weirdness interest me in any slightest way? No. Is Katie being mind-melded into the corporate Scientologist collective an immediate concern? Or a concern at all? No, and no. So, then, the question is, how have these wastes of skin, air, space, and time manged to saturate the fabric of our conciousness to the point that even I am aware of them one way or the other?

In Our Next Episode: Brit Royalty -- The Only Humans More Useless Than Hollywood Trash